People suffering from Rebekah Syndrome are obsessed with control, particularly of all their partner’s actions, leading to obsessive impulses around them.
The Rebecca Syndrome
Surely it has happened to you that when you have a boyfriend or husband you find yourself between the dilemma of wanting to know and not wanting to know everything about his past love.
The desire to know everything about him/her leads us to ask them multiple questions and involuntarily compare ourselves with their previous partners, causing insecurity in the relationship. When this feeling becomes exaggerated and extreme, you may be suffering from Rebecca Syndrome.
Origin of the Rebecca Syndrome
The name came from the famous novel by Daphne du Maurier, which tells a story in which a woman marries a widowed man and the ghost of his ex-wife Rebecca begins to appear in the character’s mind, which causes unhealthy jealousy and insecurity in the woman in question.
Due to the success of this story, it was taken to the big screen, naming this disorder Rebecca Syndrome.
Feeling jealous of our partner’s previous partners is something completely normal and this is because it simply makes us sick and makes us sick just thinking that there may be some kind of latent feeling towards that person.
But as they say, every excess is bad and jealousy can be considered as one of the situations of greatest conflict at the individual and couple level, it can be the cause of much suffering for both parties, as well as the origin of continuous discussions.
At a psychological level, it has been detected that one of the most destructive types of jealousy is precisely those felt towards partners of past love relationships.
The Rebecca syndrome is increasingly frequent in today’s relationships and it is that the “exes” act as “ghost” agents that are present in any situation of the couple because of an obsessive thought that prevents achieving balance and stability in the relationship.
The person suffering from this syndrome tends to carry out exhaustive research on the past of his or her partner.
One of the most effective and simultaneously destructive tools to obtain information is social networks, in which they can obtain histories and photos from several years ago, thus functioning as an element of conflict in the relationship.
Another compulsive way to obtain information is through the bombardment of questions to the partner or close acquaintances, where any answer can turn into paranoia for fear of abandonment.
Some of the causes of this obsessive jealousy are:
- Childhood wounds (divorce, abandonment by a parent)
- The recent death of a loved one
- Lack of self-esteem
- Security of the relationship
- Mistrust is due to “cultural” issues that are not overcome
Good self-esteem is the best weapon against jealousy
Jealousy is always linked to insecurities and low self-esteem; it is well said that a person with security and personal confidence has no reason to feel intimidated by another. However, if jealousy is already at a pathological level, it is time to see a specialist.
Psychologists and the support of the couple will be the best remedies to overcome this syndrome. It may sound a little trite but working on self-esteem is the main defense to avoid falling into something unhealthy and turning it into a disorder.
On the part of the “healthy” partner (so to speak) it is advisable not to answer past questions, to make him/her understand and show your partner that we all have a past, but that we all live in the present in which we want to live and that for that reason we want to share a relationship with him/her.
With this support, self-esteem will undoubtedly be improved and insecurities will no longer be a source of conflict.